We need to rekindle our bromance
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
