i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i've created a new STD.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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