All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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