That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
