I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How does one acquire holy water?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
