i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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