peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
