tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
