'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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