are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
