Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
