Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
