My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's never too late to be topless.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I pour the whiskey from now on
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
