Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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