I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
