I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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