Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She needs sedatives and a leash
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
