idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ambien. No doubt about it.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
