You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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