I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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