Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
bring money and cleavage
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
