my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
