Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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