Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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