I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Are my feet made of real feet?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
