Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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