I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
