Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
