carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
