You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
