Buhtt sex?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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