phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
