I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
