My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
