This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
