I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
