Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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