So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
