is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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