My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
