then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
