Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
