Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
