Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
