For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
