I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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