i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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