the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
