Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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