how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
vagina is talking i cant
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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