If that was your dad, he is hot
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
