Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found puke in my bra..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Randomize
