I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
