do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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