this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
