You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
