why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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