hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
