I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
