I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
