I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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