I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
do herpes really smell.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
