i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
