I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Someone signed my nipple.
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