My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
