we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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