Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
